My Best Friend's Wedding... a love story

At Last, My love has come along….

The Memory Book –

For a number of weeks I have enjoyed a special time in the memory book of my early life, reminiscing about a blossoming love for a young maiden.  She is a tender flower who has occupied the center of my world for over forty-five years.  Ours is a love affair that was born in innocence and has intertwined two lives into one.  

As the beauty of a flowering clematis hides the rustic trellis that supports it, so the fragrance of her grace and charm serve to hide my rocks and crags.  She fills my voids in so many ways.   As Rocky said, “I got gaps, she got gaps, together we got no gaps”.  I truly love her more each day.

Indulge me as I share our story…. 

The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face –                           by Ewan MacColl

The first time ever I saw your face

I thought the sun rose in your eyes

And the moon and the stars, were the gifts you gave

To the dark and endless skies, my love

To the dark and endless skies

The first time, ever I saw, your face, your face, your face.

It was love at first sight!  Well, love at first sight is a stretch. That wasn’t to be, not for a while anyway…. 

It was the spring of 1970 and we met on a phone call that I made to her house, looking for her sister Nancy.  I was working as a projectionist, providing dinner relief at the local movie theaters in Annapolis.  We began talking more regularly and Jane was captivated by my voice.  I offered to give her a ride home from school.  She was a mature fourteen and in the eighth grade at Annapolis Junior High and I was seventeen and a senior at Annapolis High. 

This was not my first encounter with her.  You see, when I was in the second grade with her sister Wendy, our class took a field trip to the Bowen farm.  I guess Jane was about four at the time.  I am sure she was there that day but I don’t remember her. I do have a vivid memory of her mom making butter and packing it in a small wooden box with a lid that put a design on the top of the block of butter. 

This second encounter, at Annapolis Junior High so many years later, didn’t lead to a lasting relationship either, and after a brief time hanging out occasionally we went in different directions.  Well, truth be told, she kicked me to the curb and I moved on, for a season. 

The Interlude –

Jane’s oldest sister Ann married Johnny Perry, a street racing legend from the village of Shady Side in the south end of our county.  Although a bit older than me, his fame for fast cars spread to the racing wannabees of my age bracket.  Through my ongoing casual friendship with Nancy and Jane I had met Johnny and worked with him occasionally in Jane’s dad’s landscaping business.  He was an excellent mechanic and I loved hanging out at Ann and Johnny’s house fooling around with race cars.

I guess I was one of those friendly guys that dart in and out of a family’s life, one who gets along with everyone, sisters, boyfriends, brothers, mom or dad.  No agenda, I just seemed to show up around the Bowen family from time to time.  With a large family there is always something going on and some of my friends were dating the sisters.  Jane is the middle child of seven. 

In 1971, Jane was dating a guy named Gene who was drafted into the Army.  Nancy asked me to accompany her, Jane, and Gene’s mom to Gene’s graduation from basic training at Fort Dix in New Jersey.  At the ceremony, Gene’s army friends discretely called me GI Jody, a name given to the guy back home that steals his girl while he is away in the service.  

I didn’t pick up on it at the time since I wasn’t interested in Jane, but in her sister Nancy.  Gene told Jane, “Glenn is going to end up marrying one of the Bowen sisters”.  Jane assured him in no uncertain terms that it would not be her!

Jane was working for an older widow lady, Mrs. Willis, serving her dinner and providing companionship, a job Nancy passed down to her.  She also worked at Woodies, a local department store, in the wig and purse section.  She was a cosmetology student in school.

One day while hanging at Ann and Johnny’s, Jane needed a ride home from Mrs. Willis’, which in retrospect, seems to be a recurring theme in our story.  We began hanging out occasionally since Gene was away.  Our friendship was one of “convenience” for both of us.  You see, Jane had money and no wheels, and I had wheels and no money.  

We began spending more time together with absolutely no romantic connection at all.  If we went to the movies she paid the way.  I would pick her up and we would hang out at the local burger joint, she with her friends and me with mine.  She would fill my gas tank and I would chauffeur her where she wanted to go.  Like the old country song goes, “ If you got the money honey, I got the time…”.

We spent lots of time together and when Gene came home on leave we would go our separate ways.  The relationship continued the whole time he was in the service.  We had a couple of friends named Kim and Eddie.  Kim was Jane’s childhood girlfriend and we did a lot with them.  We celebrated Jane’s sixteenth birthday during that time and her getting her driver’s license. 

Again, we had absolutely no romantic involvement.  Just two friends hanging out, enjoying life with no need to impress one another, or put on the false face needed when a love relationship is at stake. 

Two years went by and the time came for Gene’s discharge from the Army.  Kim asked Jane “what will happen to your friendship with Glenn after Gene comes home?”  It was a question that brought to light the fact that over the two year period we had grown to be more than just best friends, in fact, we had fallen deeply in love.  The thought of parting ways was heart wrenching. 

The Bible uses four Greek words for love.  agápe, philía, storgē, and éros.   

agápe is the word that describes a love that is unconditional, like God’s love for His own.  It is not based on feelings as much as the “setting an affection on someone”, just for who they are, or often, in spite of who they are.

 

philía has the connotation of brotherly love.  It is a dispassionate virtuous love expressed to family members, friends etc.  

storgē  has the idea of a love for people groups, like your family, church, bowling team etc.

 

éros is a love that is driven by sexual passion.  We get our English word erotic from éros. 

The love Jane and I shared was made up of agápe, philía, and storgē.  There was no physical attraction at all, just the development of a deep soul oneness between two people who weren’t looking for it.

Needless to say, Gene's homecoming was a traumatic event.  I had planned for some time to visit my best friend from high school.  Freddie was in the Air Force and was stationed in New Mexico.  Though unplanned, the date of my visit coincided with Gene's return to Annapolis.

Jane broke the news to him and we were very sorry that an unforeseen relationship had developed between us.  Gene was a real gentleman and an overall great guy and took the news as well as could be expected.  After all, he was the one that prophesied that "Glenn would end up marrying one of the Bowen sisters".

Changing roles -

I had fallen in love with my best friend, without even knowing that it was unfolding.  My love for Jane was, and is, deep and abiding.  In retrospect, our friendship, unencumbered with all of the affection stuff, allowed us to come to know and accept one another on a completely different level that most of our “dating” peers.

The Kiss -

The first time ever I kissed your lips

I felt the earth, move in my hand

Like the trembling heart, of a captive bird

That was there at your command my love

That was there at your command

I still remember our first kiss.  What a special moment when two friends who have established a deep and abiding love for one another, move from a platonic friendship to a romantic one.  Without any expectation that our time together would evolve in that direction, we had moved into new territory.

At that point our relationship began to deepen on a different plane and we were soon talking about marriage.  I can't imagine what her parents thought about the idea.  Jane was seventeen and in her senior year of high school.

  

It never dawned on me to ask her Dad for her hand in marriage so I never knew how her parents felt.  I guess maybe it was a natural progression from their perspective.  Nancy and Wendy were now married and Jane was next in line.  I had a good job and in our generation you fell in love, got married, had children, and lived happily ever after.  Remember, Ozzie and Harriet Nelson, and Ward and June Cleaver, were the models for our generation.

Engaged -

That December of 1973, Jane’s oldest sister Ann accompanied me to shop for an engagement ring that I planned on giving Jane at Christmas.  I remember walking down Howard Street in Baltimore and Ann was crying, “She’s so young”. 

I was not mature enough to think about how I was going to pop the question.  We had already decided we would get married so I didn’t even think about formally proposing to her, just surprising her with the ring was the only thing on my mind. 

What a dud I was.  I gave it to her on Christmas morning at Ann’s house with no special clever fanfare, as if I were handing her any ordinary Christmas present.  I still regret that blunder.  Thankfully she was pleased with the engagement ring I had chosen for her.  I guess her love for me overcame the fact that I was a klutz. 

Wedding Bells –

Our engagement lasted for over a year.  Well, she did need to finish High School.  We were married on March 22, 1975 in a simple, lovely ceremony.  Jane’s best friend Kim served as our Maid of Honor and my best friend Freddie served as Best Man.  

Both of our families had lots of relatives and friends who joined us for the exchange of vows.  Jane’s parents hosted a wonderful reception and my Dad arranged for a famous Annapolis Saxophone player, Delbert Puschert and his band to entertain the guests.  It was a marvelous celebration.

We honeymooned at Rehoboth Beach in Delaware, two youngsters oblivious to the challenges that life would throw our way, and confident that our love for each other would stand the test of time.  Oh how I loved that girl!  To be married to your best friend is the richest blessing in the world. 

God declared in the book of Genesis, “It is not good for the man to be alone.  I will make him a helper suitable for him”.  God had definitely filled my aloneness with a magnificent bride who would blossom into an incredible life partner, sustainer of our home, and mother of our children. 

The Test of Time -

Thus began a forty year journey that has led to an encounter with Jesus, the birth of five wonderful children, as well as six grandchildren, and has taken us across the United States and halfway around the world.  I love her more each day and look forward to many more years with the best friend I could ever have. 

Like many who have been married for a long time we have found a oneness in each other that is hard to explain.  We are two individuals created in the image of God and following God’s plan for marriage, have become one.  We are all we need, and we do need each other.  I am lost without her.   She completes me in so many ways and I thank God for her love and companionship.

Something That We Do -                                      by Clint Black

I remember well the day we wed, I can see that picture in my head

I still believe the words we said, Forever will ring true

Love is certain, Love is kind, Love is yours and love is mine

But it isn't something that we find, it's something that we do

It's holding tight, and lettin go, it's flying high and laying low

Let your strongest feelings show and your weakness too

It's a little and a lot to ask, an endless and a welcome task

Love isn't something that we have, it's something that we do

We help to make each other all that we can be

Though we can find our strength and inspiration independently

The way we work together is what sets our love apart

So closely that we can't tell where I end and where you start

It gives me heart remembering how we started with a simple vow

There's so much to look back on now, still it feels brand new

We're on a road that has no end and each day we begin again

Love's not just something that we're in, it's something that we do

Love is wide, Love is long, Love is deep and Love is strong

Love is why I love this song, I hope you love it too

I remember well the day we wed, I can see that picture in my head

Love isn't just those words we said, It's something that we do

There's no request too big or small, we give ourselves, we give our all,

Love isn't some place that we fall...   It's something that we do

We Journey On -

As we move into the fifth decade together I am so excited about what God has in store for our marriage.  We share a common faith in our Lord Jesus Christ.  His presence in our lives is the glue to holds us together and unites us in all aspects of our Worship of God and in our calling to ministry. 

This passage from the Forth Chapter of Eclesiastes holds special meaning

⁹ Two are better than one,
    because they have a good return for their labor:
¹⁰ If either of them falls down,
    one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
    and has no one to help them up.
¹¹ Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
    But how can one keep warm alone?
¹² Though one may be overpowered,
    two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

Jesus, Jane, and me, a three stranded cord that is not easily broken.

I love you Jane Ellen Bowen and I would marry you again in a heartbeat.

Grow old with me, the best is yet to be! 

Happy Fortieth Anniversary my sweets!